James Barr talks about new show - Sorry I Hurt Your Son (Said My Ex To My Mum)

Multi-award-winning comedian, podcaster and broadcaster James Barr is bringing his fearless, critically acclaimed stand-up show to Brighton. Fresh from rave reviews at Edinburgh and Adelaide Fringe Festivals, Sorry I Hurt Your Son (Said My Ex to My Mum) will play two nights at The Lantern Theatre on Fri 25 – Sat 26 April.

At the heart of the performance is a four-year relationship that left James questioning everything. His ex’s final words to his mother, written in a Christmas card became the title of a show laying bare the complexities of queer domestic abuse, and makes you laugh while doing it.  

Choosing to tell his story in a performance that is both funny and bittersweet, James takes the audience on an emotional rollercoaster, offering a refreshingly bold take on the impact of abuse and the chaos that follows in an hour of poignant stand-up comedy.

With this fearless, empowering and compelling work about to hit Sussex. We caught up with James for a quick chat.

‘Sorry I Hurt Your Son (Said My Ex To My Mum)’ is a weighty title. What’s the show about?

As a gay comedian I’ve had a relatively successful career telling rude jokes, but just like Beyoncé doing country, I’ve decided to pivot. I’m breaking my silence as a survivor of domestic abuse, in the form of a stand-up comedy show because if you can laugh at something, it can’t hurt you.
Some people told me that writing and performing an hour of comedy about domestic abuse might be offensive. But that’s exactly why I had to do it. Survivor stories are so often heavy-handed, or worst-case scenarios, and honestly- that made it harder for me to spot abuse, even when I was living it. I needed to make this show for myself. I needed to make it less painful, to talk about it in a way that felt real, not just tragic.

But this show isn’t just about what happened, it’s about why I stayed, and why I finally chose myself. I grew up believing that love was something you had to earn. That pain was just part of the package. This show pulls that apart, how we accept less than we deserve because we’ve been told to - and it’s funny. I’ve worked really hard to avoid trauma dumping.

This show has had quite emotional responses, both from audiences and the press. Did you know from the start it would have this kind of impact?

I hoped. But the first time I performed it, people came up to me crying, saying they felt seen for the first time, and I knew.

If you haven’t experienced domestic abuse, then my hope is that this show will make you see it - so that it hopefully never happens to you. If you have, I hope it takes a step towards giving you your voice back. A gay couple in Edinburgh told me it had made them rethink how they’ll support each other when their trauma catches up with them. That’s bigger than comedy.

This is obviously a very personal story. How do you find balancing the serious parts with the comic elements?

I was terrified to tell this story, but that’s exactly why I had to. When we can laugh at our worst experiences, they lose their grip on us. It’s an hour of comedy about abuse, but it’s also about comedy itself. Abuse isn’t always just violent - it’s the slow erosion of safety. It’s the constant uncertainty of what might happen next. And weirdly, that’s something comedy plays with too.  
It’s connected with audiences in a way that’s much bigger than I expected. It shifts between safety and unsafety - just like an abusive relationship does. It’s funny, then it’s not. It’s light, then it isn’t. That’s the ride. It’s messy, chaotic, funny and at times devastating, but in the end? We celebrate the fact that we got out.  

How did you come up with the name of the show?

For so long, I questioned whether it was really abuse. Was I overreacting? Was it even that bad? And then my ex sent my Mum a Christmas card that literally said: “Sorry I Hurt Your Son.” And I almost felt relieved - this did happen.

You’ve often been called a “gay icon of radio and the podcasting world” [James presents the hit podcast, A Gay and a Non Gay]. But who is your biggest gay icon?

I once turned down the chance to meet Lady Gaga because I knew I’d either cry, scream, or projectile vomit on her shoes.

Who would be your ultimate dream audience member?

Mel B. I’ve read her book about abuse, and I just feel like she’d get it. I interviewed her about Brutally Honest on Hits Radio and her story genuinely helped me find the strength to write my show.

Failing that, Piers Morgan - I’d love to see his face as I roast him.  

And finally, what are you most looking forward to about performing in Brighton?

Brighton has always felt like home to me. Growing up gay in Eastbourne, I used to sneak into Brighton’s gay bars underage and went to my first Pride there—it was the first place I ever felt like I truly belonged. Performing this show here is special because Brighton gave me safety and community when I needed it most. I also workshopped “Sorry I Hurt Your Son” at Brighton Fringe in 2023 and 2024, so bringing the full show back feels like a full-circle moment.

James Barr brings Sorry I Hurt Your Son (Said My Ex To My Mum) to Brighton’s The Lantern Theatre on Fri 25 – Sat 26 April 2025. For tickets and more info, visit here.

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