Connection Jam

Humans instinctively want to socialise and share ideals. It was a need well served by life within tight-knit communities or social occasions like going to church. But since the digital revolution, we’re becoming increasingly isolated. We might have constant discussions over WhatsApp, but can relationships thrive when we communicate through emojis?

Hoping to address this is Connection Jam, a Brighton-based grassroots venture promoting the notion that meeting others shouldn’t have to involve an app or the pub.

It all started after its founders, Mags and Dan, moved to the city from London. Up in the capital, keeping meaningful relationships alive can be difficult, because it can be hard to regularly and effectively meet up. “We found ourselves in patterns of meeting up with friends every couple of months,” Dan tells me. “All we'd say is: ‘What have you been up to?’ It's harder to get those deeper connections.”  

Upon arriving in Brighton, the pair wanted to break out of these habits and connect with people on a deeper level; maybe even finding others who had recognised the issue. “I think, being naturally social people who like wonderful friendships, we managed to do that in Brighton pretty quickly,” he adds.

Dan had been putting a lot of thought into how we actually learn about each other as people – at least beyond the surface level of talking about the weather and where we’re headed on holiday. He and Mags started Connection Jam as a safe place which could help people combat loneliness, feel a bit more seen and heard and find more meaningful interactions.  

Mags’s background is marketing, working in advertising for over a decade, before getting into the creation of community events. She points out that we all tend to socialise with just our immediate peer groups, if at all. “What Connection Jam does is bring together people of lots of different ages and backgrounds. More of that is needed in our society, or we can become very siloed.

“We come at this from a very playful angle,” she adds. “A lot of these things can get a bit serious, a little bit ‘workshopy’ or feel like training. We're not there to overtly teach people at all. We're there to connect them. If we all learn something along the way, then that's a bonus.”

She tells me how most sessions are structured around a series of informal games. Like ‘Spaghetti Handshakes.’ where everyone moves around shaking hands with the other participants. The only rule being that you've always got to be holding someone’s hand at any given time.

“It ends up with everyone getting to meet each other,” says Mags. “It becomes very joyful, humorous and playful. We really try to evoke that sense of fun.” These are all classic team building exercise, although Dan is wary of the corporate connotations of that term. The pair are trying to overcome any notions that this demands any kind of awkward performance. “We make everything an invitation,” he tells me. “We want to create a safe environment where people can connect a little bit more authentically.”  

From these warm-up games, the sessions move into conversation games, which can involve sentence stems and prompts to encourage everyone to delve below the surface. Often, when someone asks us: “how are you?” we’ll reply with a perfunctory answer. We don’t want to cause any ripple. Stiff upper lip and all that. What might happen if we answer truthfully. Would we learn a bit more about ourselves and others? No bad thing…

“The term ‘I'm fine’ has become almost robotic,” says Mags. “People know it's not real. And maybe not true. There's a growing need for people to counter that way of being.” Connection Jam encourages people to share how they actually feel, if they’re willing to make this leap. “We're actually kind of creating space for active listening, where everybody can be heard and truly witnessed,” says Dan. “And in that way, we create trust. We create a little bit more space to hear each other properly, and hopefully from there, make better friendships, better relationships.”

Dan works as a writer and performer, so points out how being creative is essentially based around play. You have to take risks. Give it a go - and find a framework which works for you. “I'm a poet. We work to a set of rules. But how can we be inventive with those? What structure does is create safety. I know what the rules are and can actually tap into something a little bit more playful, and that's the authentic side of people a lot of the time.” That’s not to say Connection Jam hasn’t got space for the more serious side of life. They’ve created am appropriate space where participants can allow themselves to reveal vulnerabilities.

“Then we can see how we can be with somebody when they're in a more difficult part of their life and still connect with them on that without trying to fix them, without trying to problem solve or give advice,” says Dan. “How can we just hear somebody truly? We're sort of threading these ideas through, but in a way which makes it fun and interesting.”

“It is about letting everyone feel safe enough to play,” adds Mags. “And to know that through that there's real magic to be found.”

The online life has played some part in our inability to share on a more meaningful level. We interact with pictures of dinners and ‘like’ triumphant status updates and might be fooled into thinking this is a good surrogate for spending time with loved ones. “It's probably a factor,” says Dan. “I think social media can be a place where people stop seeing each other as people. That's why we see arguments break out over tiny things, instead of the big stuff which is important.” He suggests by coming together in person, you get an embodied experience, aware of each other’s faces, tone of voice and body language.

If we find disagreements, social media isn’t great for us to develop understanding. “We’re not able to sit with difference. We think: ‘Here is someone who thinks differently to me,’ instead of: ‘Oh, how interesting. Why is that? Let's have a chat about that.’ I still see you as a human being, and that's great. We can have profound differences and still respect each other, as people have deserved that. I think that's something that social media isn’t necessarily good for. What we're doing, I think, is an antidote to that. We’re trying to be reflective. Rather than getting straight into judgment and division, we're getting into empathy and listening.”

Mags says there’s big differences between how we act in real life opposed to online. “I see a lot of criticism happening on social media. A lot of trolling and people who obviously feel like, behind the screen, they're able to be very judgmental and negative. Something we do at Connection Jam is make space for showing appreciation for one another. I hope this kind of restores some balance around how we are with people.” She tells me they developed a practice called Appreciation Notes. Attendees will write down nice things about people, with recipients agreeing to not read them until arriving home.

When most people are posting on social media, no matter how negatively, perhaps they’re still looking for some form of human response. If not an affirmation. “Whether it's a hateful comment or a comment designed to stoke the fires and cause controversy, or even posturing, there is a need for connection,” suggests Dan. “As social beings, we’ve evolved to have close, intimate connections. We’re now living much more individualistic and atomised lives; particularly in cities where it might be harder to get to know each other.”

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Events are held across Brighton & Hove, although West Hill Hall seems to be a favourite venue. “The reason for trying different places is partly because they will attract different audiences,” says Mags. Another important facet of the sessions is that they’re conducted sober. Dan confirms this is to reveal people’s true selves rather than their inebriated personalities. Drinking can be another method we use to avoid connecting. “Maybe we sometimes need that confidence boost,” he says. “But it's amazing to be able to do this in a sober space, and welcome everything going on. We also do it in community halls, which are really good. They are embedded in their communities, and they're doing this work of creating social connection. It just feels like the right vibe.”

Dan acknowledges that this kind of thing, from the outside, can seem a bit hippy, or even cultish. “We're not doing a meditation to start, or gong baths,” he says. “All that stuff is great, but we’re quite normal and mainstream. We’re just trying to be an entry point for those who want to explore what is it like to be ‘intentional’ in their relationships. You can share your feelings after five pints with your mates, because you're now loosened up. But what if you could also do that without having to get a bit drunk?”

Connection Jam comes to West Hill Hall, Compton Avenue, Brighton BN2 1JE on Sun 16 March 2025.

For more details and to get tickets, head HERE.

Keep informed about all Connection Jam’s activities by following them on Instagram.

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